They may not be the most predictable investments, but initial public offerings can be so much fun. In an IPO issued on October of 2009, Audience Productions, Inc. offered $8,000,000 in preferred shares to raise production funds for a feature film called “Lydia Slotnick Unplugged.” Not only did the company include a synopsis of the film (in which the title character “decides to prove that she’s still got it by revealing the gritty story of her idol, legendary 70s rocker Graham McGuinness”); they’ve attached the entire screenplay as an exhibit as well. To wit:
Drugs? Heroin? Sounds dangerous, Lydia.
We can’t get mixed up–
BACK TO AIRPORT – PHONE BOX
Did I tell you he’s hidden the stuff in the stomach of a Raggedy Andy. Original.
BACK TO LAURIE AND ARNIE
They look at each other, aghast. Who would dare do that?
BACK TO AIRPORT – SKY HALL DEPARTURE LOUNGE
Lydia drags her bag toward the custom’s entrance. As she does, she passes the bar. She turns, captivated by a WOMAN, mid-50’s, dyed-blonde hair, skirt too short, heels too high. Just like Lydia, only alcoholic and older. Hideous.
For the thrilling conclusion to Lydia’s rock and roll-ercoaster—or to experience all 107 occurences of the word F***—check out Audience Productions’ IPO.