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IPO Unplugged

July 15, 2010

They may not be the most predictable investments, but initial public offerings can be so much fun.  In an IPO issued on October of 2009, Audience Productions, Inc. offered $8,000,000 in preferred shares to raise production funds for a feature film called “Lydia Slotnick Unplugged.”  Not only did the company include a synopsis of the film (in which the title character “decides to prove that she’s still got it by revealing the gritty story of her idol, legendary 70s rocker Graham McGuinness”); they’ve attached the entire screenplay as an exhibit as well.  To wit:

ARNIE

Drugs? Heroin? Sounds dangerous, Lydia.

We can’t get mixed up–

BACK TO AIRPORT – PHONE BOX

LYDIA
Did I tell you he’s hidden the stuff in the stomach of a Raggedy Andy. Original.

BACK TO LAURIE AND ARNIE
They look at each other, aghast. Who would dare do that?

BACK TO AIRPORT – SKY HALL DEPARTURE LOUNGE

Lydia drags her bag toward the custom’s entrance. As she does, she passes the bar. She turns, captivated by a WOMAN, mid-50’s, dyed-blonde hair, skirt too short, heels too high. Just like Lydia, only alcoholic and older. Hideous.

For the thrilling conclusion to Lydia’s rock and roll-ercoaster—or to experience all 107 occurences of the word F***—check out Audience Productions’ IPO.

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